Since a very young age I have always questioned my worth. “Am I a good enough daughter?” “Am I being a good friend?” “Is my fiance making a mistake marrying me?” My friends and family may not see it as prominently as when I was in middle school, but those thoughts are still very much there. My fears of not being good enough, pretty enough, and so on and so forth still exist.
It’s really funny how words do hurt sometimes more than a broken bone. I remember all my life my sister being constantly called beautiful, adorable, and cute. Everyone always thought she was attractive and told her as much. When it came to me people just thought of me as smart, creative, and a little odd. I remember best when my mom’s best friend said, “Well we can’t all be naturally beautiful, but brains is better anyways. Be glad you have those!” She didn’t realize it but that HURT!
Who wants to be smart when it the pretty girls who get doted on and adored. Who wants to be a bit odd when your sister is built like a model. Sure my intelligence could have taken me anywhere, but now I am preparing for a wedding and would rather be the thin, gorgeous models in the bridal magazines.
Let’s face it, how many brides want to be smart on their wedding day? They want to be beautiful. They want to be worth it. They spend hours, days, months picking out the perfect dress so that they can look divine for their grooms. I am personally having minor panic attacks worrying that he won’t find my dress pretty enough or that he will hate that I still have dreads. I am in constant fear that my beautiful bridesmaids will all look a thousand times better than my chubby, plain self. I have gone from finding myself okay to being back in middle school and noticing every fault.
Why is this such a big thing? Why is there so much pressure to be thin and beautiful on a bride’s wedding day? The message of that day should be all about the love and commitment being shared between two people, not that the bride is super uber lovely and tiny. However, with all the bridal media out there (excluding the amazing Offbeat Bride website), brides are bent on losing that extra weight, spending thousands on that perfect dress, and basically driving themselves mad over the whole ordeal.
I’m not quite sure how to keep myself out of this ridiculous slump. As much as I would rather focus on the love of my relationship with my amazing fiance, I can’t seem to keep my mind from that 35-40lbs I want to lose. It’s absolutely absurd. It also needs to stop being such a big deal to me. My fiance proposed to me while I was this same weight.
I wasn’t wearing any make up that day. My hair was pulled back in a simple pony tail. In the picture right after I look like nothing special, yet the sexy guy beside me decided to propose to me. He decided to accept the crazy and odd girl that he had gotten to know and love. He knew me at my worst and best by that point, and he still chose me out of all the pretty girls he goes to school with, the other Jennys he could of dated (haha. I’m the third one. It’s still pretty funny to me!), and the girls he could of still pursued in his young age.
I think that is the remedy to the stressed out bride dying to look absolutely amazing on her wedding day. Remember that out of everyone else in the world, he or she picked you. If they proposed, they must find their brides to be beautiful! Who would propose to someone they didn’t find attractive!? It is madness to feel like you have to be prettier. Yes, you want to look good on your wedding day, but with the glowing effects of love and a very pretty dress, your fiance will probably only have eyes for you no matter what.